Alice and the Sphinx's Riddle

Warnings: Talk of cannibalism, violence, murder, and death

Once Upon a Day, Alice was thinking about Wonderland while she was supposed to be studying the pyramids of Egypt. The longer she stared at her book, the bigger the pictures of the pyramids became until the words below them disappeared. Alice peered forward to see if there were any words left to read. “Well now,” she scolded the book. “However, will I finish my lesson?” The book did not respond, instead, it expanded the image to the very ends of its pages and out into Alice’s vicinity where she was swallowed headfirst. Since books do not have a digestive tract, Alice found herself landing bum first in a pile of warm sand. The pyramids loomed before her as vast and as real as Wonderland. Alice stood up and dusted herself off, the sand sparkling to the ground like gold.

Suddenly, Alice heard a growl from behind her and then a cry of pain. She turned ‘round to see the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on. Her skin was a deep brown and bare as a bald man’s head. Alice noticed she had the speckled bottom half of a lion. Sprouting from her shoulder blades, beneath braided black hair, were feathered wings the size of a dragon’s. She was playing with a human man who was shouting curses that Alice was not allowed to say. The woman was using her gigantic wings to toss the man into the air and catch him again, just as Alice had seen Dinah do when she caught a mouse. The woman set the human in front of her and batted his face with a paw, knocking him to the ground.

“Now do you remember my riddle?” She purred tauntingly. The woman’s tail twitched as if she were about to pounce and she licked her lips with a cat’s tongue, revealing sharp, feline teeth.

“Hello!” Alice shouted, desperately wanting to get the woman’s attention before she got bored with her human prey and decided to kill him.

“Hello, snack,” she greeted Alice, waving at her with a paw. “Be a dear and sit yourself back in the sand. I’ll pay you a visit after I eat my dinner.” She grinned viciously at the man, who was, apparently, dinner.

“I’m not a snack!” Countered Alice. “I am an Alice.”

The Sphinx looked disgruntledly in her direction, her tail twitching just as Dinah’s did when Alice did something to peeve her. “Now look what you’ve done! I know your name so I can’t very well eat you. Unless...” and the cat woman turned her attention fully to Alice and began to purr. “Unless you fail to answer my riddle.”

“I was told not to talk to strangers,” Alice said, turning away from the woman.

“I am the Sphinx little bird!” the woman roared. “I was made to protect Giza from troublemakers like yourself, and this man here,” upon saying this the Sphinx knocked over the man with a quick flick of her tail, who had just managed to stand up again. “And now I guard the tombs of pharaohs!”

Despite the theatrics, Alice was impressed, and of course, curious. “Hmm, okay, since I know who you are I suppose we’re not strangers. But I can’t let you eat that innocent man.”

The Sphinx scoffed in a very human-like way. “Innocent!”

“Yes, I am-” the man attempted to speak, but the Sphinx growled at him.

“As I was saying, this man has been sent on a quest to kill me, the guardian of the pharaohs! All for the title of King.”

“Oh goodness me!” Alice exclaimed, covering her mouth in surprise. “You know, sir, murder for thrones is quite a tricky business and not at all advisable.”

“Agreed,” the Sphinx grinned Chesiree-like at Alice. “So, Alice, do you still want to make that deal?”

Alice thought for a moment, glancing at the sorry-looking man sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. “Yes,” Alice held up a finger. “But with one exception. If I solve your riddle, you will not eat us, and this man will not kill you.”

The Sphinx licked her lips. “Deal!”

“What?!” The man exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “Madam! Please-”

“Silence, fool!” The Sphinx hissed turning her amber cat eyes towards the man. “I will eat you if you continue to interrupt,” the Sphinx turned back to Alice. “Now, the riddle.”

“One moment,” Alice cupped her chin in her hand in thought. “How do we know he will not try to kill you if I win?”

The Sphinx licked her paw. “Well, little bird, it is unlikely you will win, but if you do, I promise that I will eat him if he so much as thinks about touching me.” The Sphinx barred her teeth at the man, who was now glaring at Alice.

“No, no,” Alice stamped her foot in a burst of child-like frustration. “You cannot kill each other, that is the whole point of this deal!”

The Sphinx gave Alice a smirk. “No need to get all worked up little bird. I will make sure he does not kill me, and I give you my word that if you solve my riddle, which is highly unlikely, I will guard this man just as I guard the pharaohs. As long as he is not a threat to me or Egypt, you have my word.”

“Well, that’s not ideal, but I suppose it’ll have to do.” Alice conceded.

The Sphinx batted at a scarab beetle. “I dearly hope you lose little bird.”

“We shall see,” Alice brushed sand off her dress. “What’s your riddle lady Sphinx?”

The Sphinx straightened and looked down at Alice as she spoke. “What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?”

Alice tapped her chin for a moment. This riddle sounded oddly familiar, as though she’d read it somewhere.

The Sphinx licked her lips and purred. “Stumped, are we?” She asked. “I’ll give you three guesses because you’re small and bony and I know your name.”

Alice thought some more, looking around she decided it was most likely something in Egypt. “Uh, a pharaoh?”

The Sphinx tutted. “Painfully close.”

Alice twirled her hair. What is close to a pharaoh. What is a pharaoh really? She asked herself. A pharaoh is like a king, right? That’s it! “It’s royalty!”

The Sphinx rolled over and batted at the air. “Oh, little bird, I do hope you taste good.”

“Am I close?”

“Oh yes you are,” the Sphinx confirmed dismissively. “Tell me, are your legs really that bony or does your dress cover the meaty parts.”

Alice ignored the Sphinx and directed her attention to the hopeless-looking man sitting beside the Sphinx. Pharaohs, kings, royalty, the Sphinx. The man looked so sad and hopeless, yet his task seemed so familiar. Why would he need to kill the Sphinx to become king? That was not how one became king. Unless…the king was dead or had been killed. That’s it!

Alice jumped up and down with excitement. She had heard the riddle before, but not in one of her history books. “A person! The lifecycle of a person!” She clapped. “Oh, I know it’s true because I read it before bed just yesterday!”

The Sphinx looked confused and disappointed. “Humph, you’re small anyway.”

“So, our deal?” Alice asked.

The Sphinx waved a paw. “Yes, yes little bird, you and the man are safe. I will guard him for a year.”

Alice looked expectantly at the man sitting beside the Sphinx. He sighed dejectedly. “I will not attempt to kill the Sphinx and not return to Thebes for a year.”

And he did. The man, who, if you haven’t figured it out as Alice did, is Oedipus. He and Sphinx became quite close and once his year was up, he decided to stay in Egypt to help raise the children he and the Sphinx had together.

As for Alice, she woke up shortly after Oedipus agreed not to return to Thebes. She never did remember what age the pyramids were built, but she never forgot the sphinx’s riddle.